Now what? Where do I get my ambition from now? I have always had great drive to excel, to achieve great things to get me to this goal, but during this past 6 months, I have had to find other things to motivate me, and it's been one of the hardest things I've had to do. It may seem silly, but I never knew how much my desire to have a family motivated me to become who I am now. After Little Miss was born, I struggled to find things to provide that motivation. I have a tendency towards seasonal depression and baby blues, and a few weeks ago I was at a pretty low point. I sat down with my mind and heart open praying and asking for help. Here's what I learned:
I still have A LOT to learn!!!
Even though I am done with school (at least for now), there are so many things I WANT to still learn and do. I haven't learned something new each day, but I have worked on some skills and talents that I have wanted to improve.
- I (try) to work on learning Japanese through a language program my dad gave me.
- I have pulled out my DSLR camera Mario gave me as a gift last year, and I started taking an online photography course.
- I have started to enjoy cooking! I have tried new recipes and ingredients that I'd never had before--like KALE so far this Spicy Italian Sausage recipe has been my favorite!
- I have been working on various sewing projects! It's been great, since it's the first time I've finished a sewing project since Jr High.
- I even started piano lessons!
HOBBIES, hobbies, hobbies! The best things about hobbies, they're fun AND flexible! If Little Miss is having a bad day, and I don't get to them, there's no reason to be guilty!
Know my limits!
There is always a constant list of things I want or need to do
- Scripture study
- Hobbies
- Dishes
- Laundry
- Bathroom
- Living room
- Vacuuming and deep cleaning
- and the list goes on
But no matter what, the most important thing during the day is that I be the mom Little Miss needs. Some days that's all I can do, and I'm learning to be ok with that.
Make a schedule
I think the hardest part of being a stay-at-home-mom for me has been the lack of time commitments in my life. I know this may be weird, but I miss being able to say "Busy" when asked about my day. Don't get me wrong, Little Miss definitely keeps me busy, but it's not the same. All my life, until now, I've ben an over-involved student, and that's when I have THRIVED! I knew I enjoyed the involvement, but I never realized A) how involved I was, and B) how much I truly enjoyed the involvement.
Now that I am done with school, with only limited commitment to others, I've started trying to plan my days to feel productive and "busy." I know we have been told repeatedly to slow down and relax, and I think I have. But I feel better about myself if I accomplish something.
Which leads me to
Acknowledge my accomplishments
Even as I try to prioritize, make a schedule and know my limits, I usually don't accomplish as many of the things I'm used to. While my accomplishments have changed, I'm still being a successful person. Now, I pat myself on my back when I'm able to finish laundry or dishes. I am excited when we go outside for a walk, or when we get together for various play-dates. I enjoy bringing friends food, and serving when I can.
The biggest surprise for me was how much of a hippie I really am. I prefer natural remedies, like herbs and essential oils. I have tried washing my hair with vinegar and baking soda--a bust, and after more research, it makes sense--and still the biggest surprise is that we use cloth diapers a vast majority of the time. and I made my own nursing pads. We still use "'sposies"when traveling for the convenience, but I got tired of literally throwing away money. The way we were able to do cloth diapers, they paid for themselves after 4 months.
It has been a hard 6 months, quite an adjustment, but I love being a mom! I have learned a lot about myself, and I think I've learned a lot about Little Miss. It's been wonderful to have this opportunity to spend time with my beautiful baby girl, and to see her grow and develop! It's also been an interesting opportunity for me to learn more about myself, and what makes me, me.
Thanks for humoring me by reading my thoughts and reflections!
Oh, and Little Miss has an interesting insight for you: ;pj0
