Menstruation, what's the big deal?

Yesterday there was a post on one of the groups I'm part of on Facebook asking advice of how to make a daughter's first period a pleasant, special experience. I appreciated some of the more traditional celebrations of womanhood and "coming of age" type responses, but I was SHOCKED at how many moms in the group were still trying to get over what could nearly be called trauma of their first period.

For me, menstruation was just a normal part of life that would occur whenever my body was ready to grow/nourish children. It was a necessary, special and sucky part of life. (Seriously? Who could enjoy cramps and the inconvenience of bleeding for up to a week once each month?) I knew of the purpose of menstruation since I was at oldest 8 (my parents followed the "we'll answer whatever questions you have" philosophy, and I was very persistent with the "where do babies come from, and how are they made?") type questions. I still remember the day they took me on a walk and gave me a essentially an human sexuality talk with this cute picture book that walked it through in a really good, sacred way. My mom was also very open about when she was on her cycle, and I often grabbed pads for her from storage if she ran out in the bathroom. The only thing that was hard for me to figure out was tampons, since she got really severe TSS and almost never used them.

Apparently the moms who had bad experiences were all people who's moms never talked about menstruation. Many felt it was something to be ashamed of. 

While I understand wanting to be private and/or avoiding inconveniencing family members, I think it served me well to live in a household where menstruation was normal, obnoxious, maybe, but normal, because let's face it, menstruation IS a normal, biological  part of female life. While it may be an uncomfortable topic for some, I just want to thank my mom (and dad, because dads and brothers still have to deal with the PMS and such as well) for making it no big deal. And, while I've never been accused of beating around the bush--in fact I'm often told I'm too blunt, or provide TMI, I hope that the girls, know what to expect when their cycles start, and I hope they feel support from both me and dad. 

I also hope that if we have any boys, they will be comfortable with it too, because, seriously, how obnoxious would it be for their sisters, and even more importantly their future girlfriends/wives if they get squeamish every month. Now, I'm not saying they will necessarily be nice about it to their sisters--I OFTEN got teased from my brothers--but they were sympathetic and helpful in other ways, and I hope that will be the case for the girls if we have any sons, and for their future boyfriends/husbands, if we don't.

Don't Give Up

Having battled postpartum depression with Big Sister, this has been such an important thing for me. I have been trying to be proactive to prevent ppd with Baby Sister, and I think I'm doing ok right now, but this is my motto for the foreseeable future. 

I also wanted to share this for anyone who is silently suffering. Whether it be any invisible physical, emotional or spiritual pain and/or illness, know that you are loved. DON'T GIVE UP! There are those that look up to you, that love you, that need you in their lives. 

And one thing that I've learnt for myself: there is always someone who knows with excruciating detail and perfect understanding EXACTLY how you feel. Your Savior, and mine, has felt EVERYTHING that you feel or have ever felt, thought or done. 

When I was at my worst, and I felt like there was no one to turn to, no one who would understand my anguish, I read a scripture relating to the Atonement, and finally just opened up my heart to my Savior. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more. But eventually, once I had let go of everything I had worried about, I was able to feel His loving embrace. 

Now, this didn't mean that I was all better. I still ended up needing medical intervention. Just because I had a major spiritual moment didn't mean that I was "all better." But it did allow me to move in the right direction. 

Get the help you need, but if all else fails, at least follow this counsel:

"Don't you give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. It will all be alright in the end. Trust God, and believe in good thing to come"

-Jeffrey R Holland

Even if all you can do is believe and hope, just keep taking one more step. 

Please know that I love you; those around you, love you; and, most importantly, your Savior and your Father in Heaven love you.  

Lesson I learnt while coloring

To the unsuspecting eye, this is a rather unremarkable picture, but to me, it's an important lesson I needed to be reminded of.

Today has been just "one of those days" where nothing seemed quite right. Sure, I was actually productive--I even got the laundry folded AND put away, a miracle, I know--but I was just feeling off, so when this Mandala Coloring Book was a free Kindle Download, I jumped on it! I have always liked coloring and have had reservations about getting the "adult coloring books," but after coloring in Big Sister's Christmas Coloring Book, I was looking forward to having a more sophisticated coloring option. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to print the pages from my phone, so I wasted 30-45 minutes trying to do so, until I finally logged on the computer and downloaded and printed from there. 

By this point, I was a little frustrated, but I was still looking forward to coloring the page while Big Sister colored one of her coloring pages. I had decided to color with highlighters, since it was just small enough that I didn't think I would be successful with crayons. But, in true 2yo fashion, as soon as I started using the markers, Big Sister was no longer satisfied with her crayons. Knowing that I had a set of markers that had already been "loved" (read that as the tips had been mangled) by Big Sister, I went to get those.

I came back to find Big Sister standing on my chair scribbling on my page, and I FLIPPED! I slammed the pencil bag of markers on the table, pick Big Sister off the chair and (more roughly than I intended) set her on the floor. 

Almost as soon as I set her down, she started crying, and it was only after my overreaction that I registered that she was trying to say, "Look Mommy!" She was so happy to show me that she helped me color my picture, and I had dashed that enthusiasm. I picked her back up and apologized for hurting and scaring her (I'm not sure which she was saying through her tears) and we cuddled for a minute while I reiterated my apology and that it wasn't ok for me to act like that. After her intense crying had calmed down, I told her "thank you for helping me color. Do you want to sit on my lap and help me finish?" To which she brightened and calmed the remainder of the way down. 

We "finished" coloring a picture with scribbles, a hole in the page, and me not even staying in the lines, but I also learnt that the picture isn't as important as the time spent with my daughter. Some day she will get older and not want to sit and color with me, if I don't take advantage of these opportunities now, I may not be included in other, more important aspects of her life later, especially when she's a teenager. 

The worst part is, my frustration was due to scribbles on a picture that I have saved on the computer; I can LITERALLY print the exact same picture again. But I only have so many opportunities to impact my daughter(s) life(ves). This overreaction could potentially leave a lasting negative impact on my young daughter, over what? A stupid, replaceable coloring page. 

While I think my realization and apology was soon enough to minimize the lasting damage, I learnt, or rather, was reminded of, a very valuable lesson: don't give up what matters most for things without worth. 

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