Lesson I learnt while coloring

To the unsuspecting eye, this is a rather unremarkable picture, but to me, it's an important lesson I needed to be reminded of.

Today has been just "one of those days" where nothing seemed quite right. Sure, I was actually productive--I even got the laundry folded AND put away, a miracle, I know--but I was just feeling off, so when this Mandala Coloring Book was a free Kindle Download, I jumped on it! I have always liked coloring and have had reservations about getting the "adult coloring books," but after coloring in Big Sister's Christmas Coloring Book, I was looking forward to having a more sophisticated coloring option. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to print the pages from my phone, so I wasted 30-45 minutes trying to do so, until I finally logged on the computer and downloaded and printed from there. 

By this point, I was a little frustrated, but I was still looking forward to coloring the page while Big Sister colored one of her coloring pages. I had decided to color with highlighters, since it was just small enough that I didn't think I would be successful with crayons. But, in true 2yo fashion, as soon as I started using the markers, Big Sister was no longer satisfied with her crayons. Knowing that I had a set of markers that had already been "loved" (read that as the tips had been mangled) by Big Sister, I went to get those.

I came back to find Big Sister standing on my chair scribbling on my page, and I FLIPPED! I slammed the pencil bag of markers on the table, pick Big Sister off the chair and (more roughly than I intended) set her on the floor. 

Almost as soon as I set her down, she started crying, and it was only after my overreaction that I registered that she was trying to say, "Look Mommy!" She was so happy to show me that she helped me color my picture, and I had dashed that enthusiasm. I picked her back up and apologized for hurting and scaring her (I'm not sure which she was saying through her tears) and we cuddled for a minute while I reiterated my apology and that it wasn't ok for me to act like that. After her intense crying had calmed down, I told her "thank you for helping me color. Do you want to sit on my lap and help me finish?" To which she brightened and calmed the remainder of the way down. 

We "finished" coloring a picture with scribbles, a hole in the page, and me not even staying in the lines, but I also learnt that the picture isn't as important as the time spent with my daughter. Some day she will get older and not want to sit and color with me, if I don't take advantage of these opportunities now, I may not be included in other, more important aspects of her life later, especially when she's a teenager. 

The worst part is, my frustration was due to scribbles on a picture that I have saved on the computer; I can LITERALLY print the exact same picture again. But I only have so many opportunities to impact my daughter(s) life(ves). This overreaction could potentially leave a lasting negative impact on my young daughter, over what? A stupid, replaceable coloring page. 

While I think my realization and apology was soon enough to minimize the lasting damage, I learnt, or rather, was reminded of, a very valuable lesson: don't give up what matters most for things without worth. 

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